Thursday, April 30, 2009

Some Misc. Hate

(U-G-L-Y...You ain't got an alibi...)

The Lady From “What Not To Wear”
OK, so I love fashion and makeover shows. And I totally love it when others are embarrassed. That would mean I should love “What Not To Wear,” but I don’t. The lady host is just awful. Her name is Stacy London and she’s a bitch. This is the formula for a successful makeover fashion show: “Victims” who didn’t know they needed help + Quirky and adorable gay guy to help them along the way + Family to go apeshit over the makeover even though their loved one is still ugly and will likely go back to the way they dressed before = profit. They should dump this lady and her unusual graying hair.
Summer is coming and that’s … just horrible. Dear God I hate the summer. I don’t like hot weather. I grew up in a home that didn’t have central air. We had a pair of those portable ACs that you jam in the window, and let me tell you, that doesn’t work well. I have central air now, but the summer is still bullshit. If it’s above 75 degrees, I’m not happy about it. Especially because my office is usually around that temperature every day in the summer.
Melted Cheese
I know most everyone who will read this will think I’m crazy, but I can’t stand melted cheese. It smells bad, looks bad and I don’t want it. I like pizza, but only if there’s tons of toppings that cover the cheese and overwhelm the flavor. You know what’s the worst thing in the world? Mac and cheese. It even sounds awful when you scoop it out on a plate. I did the dishes for my family as a child and there was nothing worse than cleaning up after someone ate mac and cheese. It literally made me want to vomit.
I have a (kind of) typical office job. I’m there between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m. from Monday through Friday. I really like it except for one thing: Pants are required. I hate pants, especially when it’s getting warmer outside. My legs get hot and uncomfortable. If it were socially acceptable I’d wear shorts everywhere. Or just underwear. Fuck it. I’m going for comfort.
New NFL uniforms
Several football teams decided to change their looks for 2009 and they all get a big fucking fail. Here’s a quick rundown and my catty comments:
- Lions: New logo? Cool (although I don’t like the two white stripes above the lion’s arm). The helmet and jersey are awful, though. The helmet and jersey still have way too much black (read: any). And the typeface of the names and numbers are horrible, especially the No. 4.
- 49ers: The 49ers almost got it right. They ditched most of the black (as they should) and went back to a gray facemask and throwback striping on the helmet. It looks much better than before. The jersey is better with no unnecessary black trim. But the three stripes on the arm … ugh. Either do them the entire way around or don’t. That inbetween bullshit doesn’t work.
- Jaguars: The Jags had an OK look before, so naturally they decided to defecate on their old look. There’s nothing good about this look, especially the jersey piping, which is just an awful trend that needs to die a horrible death (preferably) in a fire. I think the pants striping is even worse.

The Craig Krenzel John Deere Commercial
I love Craig Krenzel. He’s probably my favorite Buckeye ever. But he must be broke…

Seriously? National champion Craig Krenzel “dotting the i” of a John Deere dealership?

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