Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Today's Hate: Cats

First, a quick note: I am a big animal lover. I general, I like animals far more than I like people. I would never hurt any animal and I don't want anyone reading this to think I would ever hurt a cat in any way.

But cats are fucking awful.

There are two types of people in the world: Dog lovers and idiots. Dogs are generally dumb, messy and fiercely loyal. A cat couldn't care less whether you lived or died. They're totally indifferent toward your very existance. Cat people are dumb. Mr. Jingles doesn't love you.

But why listen to me? These videos show how evil cats are.

Hairballs. Cute. That's what I want to watch my pet do all day.

OK. I have to admit. This is funny, and I hate kids as much as I hate cats. But, still, Admiral Fluffy shouldn't be attacking the spawn.

This guy is just trying to do his job, but this asshole cat isn't ok with that. What a douche.

This is a video that shows it all. Cats are full of inactivity with short bursts of violence.

Cats are even involved in underground fighting tournaments. Check out this clip from the movie Bloodsport. Yes, that's a meowing cat you hear at certain parts. I have no idea why, but it makes sense. Perhaps there were cats in the crowd. Skip ahead to the 3:05 mark for one of the most noticable meows.

Of course I have a personal reason for this hate:

This is Butterscotch. He's the asshole cat my mom picked up as a stray when I was a junior in high school. Butterscotch has attacked me on several occasions, with the first coming on the first day we had him. My mom was holding him in the kitchen of our house, and when I came home from school and noticed him, I went to pet him. Butterscotch leapt from my mom's arms and clawed me. He was going for my eyes, which I closed a split second before he scratched me. He cut my eyelid.

Over years he has attempted to smother me in the middle of the night by laying on my face while I slept, peed on several of my things (pillows, clothes, etc.), shit on the walls (don't ask) and has clawed and bitten me on several occasions. He tries to act like he rules my parents house, but he's an indoor cat. He used to try to go outside, and one time he got out and was out all night. We found him the next morning dirty, scared and hiding under the air conditioner. Pussy.

He used to tease our dog, Spydel, who I loved because she - like all dogs - are great. Butterscotch would bat Spy, and she'd growl. He'd do it again, and she'd grow. He'd do it a third time, and she'd snap and try to bite him. Spy always missed (perhaps intentionally), but I always wanted her to get him once.

Butterscotch, like all other cats, are jerks and I hate them.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Today's Hate: Unnecessary Black In Sports Uniforms

Those who know me know that I’m a big fan of Paul Lukas’ Uni Watch blog. I’m a visual guy, and I’m anal about what I see - especially when it comes to sports. I notice the things that make up Athletics Aesthetics - the logo changes, the color differences, the misspelled names on the back of jerseys. Yeah, I’m a really lame person.

So it’s no surprise that I’m well aware of my alma mater’s plans to debut an alternate jersey on national television this Thursday. I follow many sports teams, but none closer (or with more emotion attached) than the University of Dayton men’s basketball team. There’s nothing I love more than Flyer hoops. I bleed red and blue.

That’s why what the Flyers are going to wear on Thursday against archrival (and future hate subject) Xavier bothers me so much.

I said I bleed red and blue. I don’t bleed black.

There has never been black in Dayton’s color scheme. When I was younger, the Flyers wore red and light blue (what I call Marian blue - based on the Marianist chapel in the middle of campus). They picked up a darker blue over the years and phased out the Marian blue. Still, there was never any black. Ever. Adding unnecessary black to your jersey/logo/whatever is fucking stupid. It’s also straight from 1995. It’s really my No. 1 hate when it comes to my love of sports logos/uniforms.

There have been plenty of teams, professional and otherwise, who have added unnecessary black to their color schemes. And it’s pretty much never looks good. Teams that have classic looks has basically tried to ruin it by adding black. Check out the Mets, A’s and Blue Jays (yes, BLUE! Not black!). At least the Royals had the sense to drop their black unis in favor of a light blue 80ish version like one they used to wear.

I understand why UD and all of these other teams have added black over the years - money. Take UD for example. The Flyers have worn four different jerseys already this year. That’s not including the black but including the awful Nike System of Dress white and red jerseys that have no trim and are templates other teams use. Times are tough right now and if you can sell more stuff by adding alternate jerseys, cool. I’m totally fine with this if you do it right. Over the past couple of years, UD has done a great job. Last year they wore a different Marian blue jersey and wore a checkered jersey based on an 1980s look. Both of those were great. They were a part of UD’s history and both jerseys were well done. I even own one of them because I think the Marian blue should be a part of the permanent color scheme.

But black is simply uncreative and played out. The Mets should drop it. The Reds should lose it, too. If you’re ever at the Reds game you’ll be able to spot me right away. I’m the only person at the game with an all-red Reds hat with a white wishbone-C with no black drop shadow like the current hat has. That’s how much I don’t want to wear any unnecessary black.

And why would UD wear black at Xavier for fuck’s sake! Dayton hasn’t won in Cincinnati against X since January 1981. I was negative eight months old!


Why stop at black though? Let’s just add a bunch of other UD jerseys that make no sense at all.

How about orange?

Tennis-ball green?


How about we just add Rudy (our mascot’s head) on a fucking jersey and get it over with?!

What’s the worst part? Fans like black jerseys. Do you know why? Because most people are fucking stupid. Don’t believe me? Here’s an example of the fan reaction to the black UD jerseys from the UD Pride message board in recent weeks:

“black is really just a base color for pretty much all sports teams. kind of like white or gray. yes, some teams use it as their primary, but a lot of teams just use it to make a cool alternate (like UD in this case). these unis sound sweet idk why you would call them pointless. lets just toss the old school blue out too. matter of fact, lets just wear plain t shirts with only read and blue. you know what? lets just kill fun all together. really dumb post man.”
First, shananagans on black being a base color for all teams. Is black a part of the Yankees color scheme? The Lakers? Red Wings? No, so fuck you. Second, the light blue is a part of UD’s history, moron. I don’t want to kill the fun, but I wouldn’t mind if you went and played in traffic.

“Havent seen the black but I do like the alternate columbia blue and retro. Im still waiting to see a khacki home or road alternate."
First, it's “khaki,” and no.

"I'm excited to see these black uniforms. They can't look any worse than the light blue jerseys."
Die in a fire.

“these look even better than i imagined!”
You have no imagination. And die in a fire.

“I vote for the black unis.”
I vote for your expulsion from Earth.

“wear the black unis, they look tight and will have everyone who tunes in around the country ooooooing and aahhhhhhhhing over our spiffy new look. plus, our road jerseys (red ones) are weak sauce.”
I guarantee you that no one will be ooooooing or aahhhing over the black uniforms. Most people with either not notice because we’re never or TV or wonder why they thought black was a good idea when it’s not.